This just in……….as the “Obama First 100 Days” news watch continues:
Obama to shut own GITMO – Keeping his campaign promise Obama announced plans to shut down GITMO, the Cuban based military prison. Preliminary plans to build a Burger King on the site could not be confirmed. However, reports claim that Fidel Castro would be happy with what he got in 1963 ala Dallas…yes, a Jack In The Box.
President Obama enacted his new vision on the War On Terror. Obama has announced an end to torture of captured Al Queda operatives for terrorist target information as a matter of humanity and civility. In a similar move, he reinstated the US Government’s funding of late term abortions of babies around the world. Unconfirmed reports have Obama saying “These little bastards must be stopped!”. The ACLU and Nancy Pelosi hail the moves as a socially progressive move in combating the real threats to world peace.
In other news….The Lyin of the Senate, Ted Bundy Kennedy, sent the Inaugural Luncheon into a state of panic as it was reported that he had gone into a convulsive fit at his table. All were relieved to find out that he was merely reminiscing about Chappaquiddick, and re-enacting Mary Jo in the throws of asphyxiation, gasping for breath from the back seat of a sinking car.
Caroline Kennedy was also in the news spotlight this week, as she withdrew herself from consideration to replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate. When asked for comment Caroline said “ahh Ya know? Ya know? Ahhhh?”; The former Heckle and Jekyll star declined comment on the comparisons of her intellect to that of a brick.
In a related story, Alaska’s Governor Sarah Palin offered to send a caribou to Washington to serve as the interim NY Jr. Senator until someone with credentials and experience equivalent to Kennedy could be named. While appreciated, NY Sr. Senator UpChuck Schumer said that even though clearly over qualified, a red brick would be sworn in this upcoming week. Schumer declined to comment on rumors that the Geico Lizard would be running against him in November. As readers will recall, Schumer pulled out a squeaker in his Senate race against a handsome cab horse in 2003.
President Obama is also trying to pass a stimulus package through Congress, but the suggestion has hit a snag in the House. One congressman responded that it would be asking quite a lot of Mrs. Obama as Congress has so many “members”…(HA!) In a descending opinion, Senator Clinton responded that as long as the stimulation was in the nude without a blue dress, she thought that it could be put to an up and down vote on the Senate floor. Barney Frank said that he would merely vote “present” if such a measure was introduced.
Stay tuned to this board for future updates……..
“Obama the news that’s fit to post”- NPC - The official News and Propaganda Channel (NPC) of President Obama.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
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Are you following me camera guy?! Remember what grandma told you, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…so be proactive.
A night out at Bada Bing? No problem….use the Ahh Shuut Uup multi-use shank! This 3” hypodermic is refillable and can be dispensed during a close encounter. You’ll have enough time to grab your singles, get to Bada Bing and back before she wakes up! And when she does, the last thing she’ll remember is your sweet embrace. It’s marriage counseling with out all the talk about “feelings”! You get out of the house, and she gets enough rest to do more stuff around the house for you during the day!
But that’s not all!! Act now and we’ll include the Ahh Shuut Uup in-law elephant gun with detachable cross-hair scope and tree perch. Gum-flapping dolts dragging down your Festivus and holiday celebrations? Massive amounts of alcohol loosing its effectiveness? Are they onto your “acting like you’re dead” act? One shot in the ass with this from 30 yards will bring down a 1200 lb elephant and ensure a silent night for all!
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Friday, January 23, 2009
Bruuuce
Well, Bruce is back in the news again…playing at the Obamanation Celebrations. By the way, did anyone see Stevie Wonder? For someone who is blind, he evidently has no problem finding the refrigerator! Anyway, back to Brucie….
I was thinking about the first time I met Bruce and the unique surroundings, and it became an experience that I still look back on as learning experience; an observation of society, of me, and of the works of this world being put in a fire.
Now, my wife actually tells this story better than I do….but I’ll do my best.
So, it had come to pass that in that day I played in a band (sounds kinda Biblical…don’t it?). Anyway, yada, yada….you meet a lot of folks along the way. Anyhow one of the folks I met, who remains a friend still almost 20 years later, knows Bruce personally. And he’s known him for like 35-40 years.
Now this friend of mine had a death in the family, and he called me later that day to alert me as to where the wake etc. would be. So G and I made the drive over to the funeral home to pay our respects to my buddy and his family.
I walked into a very crowded room and made my way up to the couch just in front of the casket. As I said it was crowded, so I was leading my wife through the crowd by her hand. Finally reaching the couch I greeted my friend. I offered my condolences and was introduced to one of the patriarchs of his family sitting beside him.
It was at that moment that Bruce stood up from the couch and reached out to shake my hand as my buddy introduced him as “..and this is Bruce..”.
Now this is one of those times when you just don’t quite know what to say. Under different circumstances, I could’ve come up with any number of things. But, given the current situation, the best, and most, I could get out was “Nice to meet you Mr. Springsteen”….LOL!
So there I am with my mouth having just spewed out about the only thing I could think of other than “Holy Shit!”. Now, Bruce is just standing there…smiling from ear to ear, holding back what appears to be an outburst of laughter….at me! It’s then I notice that he’s gazing past me to G, and the 2 seem to be sharing some type of “yeah, my husband’s an idiot…” inside joke. It also dawned on me that more than a polite and comfortable amount of time had gone by with me just standing there caught in the moment that was quickly turning into like a full minute.
Just an aside, could you imagine if I ever did meet a Beatle? I’d be on a ventilator!
So with a little help from G pushing me forward, I made it to a seat. Now, at that point it was like the Jaws line “you’re gonna need a bigger boat”…except this time it would be spoken by my wife to the mortician….”you’re gonna need another casket”.:-)
So for about the next hour I sat and watched, star-struck to say the least. In front of me in the most unusual but yet common circumstances of life was one of my idols. A walking, talking album cover! One wave of this guy’s hand gets 70,000 people to their feet at Giants Stadium….
Now the thing that hit me…after my wife, was something that I realized and was reminded of at this particular occasion. I remembered how just about just 2 years earlier G and I sat in a doctor’s office who informed us that G had cancer. If you personally, or any member of your family has ever been told this type of news, you know what I mean.
It doesn’t matter who you are. Doesn’t matter what your job is. Doesn’t matter how much you have, or how much you make. Doesn’t matter where you live, or what size bed you sleep in. You suddenly have no immediate plans….you live day by day. Nothing….nothing matters. And obviously, the people closest to you feel hopeless because illness is a personal journey that folks can comfort you through, but it is yours to own.
As Bruce meandered through that room, I thought about how many people, including myself, had placed upon people (celebs) immortal mantels to carry. It’s like the sick kid in the hospital that Babe Ruth hits a homerun for….somehow the kid gets well and rides his bike again….right? Nope. But we’d all like to think so….
So as I sat and watched Bruce, the only thing this god with a small “g” could do was comfort my friend and his family. The same thing everyday ordinary folk with menial means, 9-5 jobs, unemployment checks, and their own ailments could do. The common denominator had made its visitation, and the only life of consequence and measurement that mattered was the one given up by the person in the box.
No miracles…..no raisings…and the only wines that were served were after the wake, and to my knowledge, it always had been wine……never water....HA!
I’ve had many experiences with Bruce since that night, and each time, I just try to observe. I listen to what is said, what’s not said….and I’ve learned quite a bit about him and from those times with him. Although I haven’t seen him in some time, now he’s just “Bruce”, not “Mr. Springsteen”..HA! LOL!
G never understood the magnitude of that meeting someone who had such an effect on my life through his music…maybe if it had been Bon Jovi? As I drove home that night, I had to explain to G that right behind The Beatles and Elvis, we had just met the biggest person in rock and roll….The Boss….right?
Well, what echoes through my mind, and has become the lesson of that night is that….“every knee shall bow, every tongue confess”. Jesus is not only the King of Kings, but Boss of Bosses.
You might be a rock 'n' roll addict prancing on the stage,
You might have drugs at your command, women in a cage,
You may be a business man or some high degree thief,
They may call you Doctor or they may call you Chief
But you're gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed - Dylan
I was thinking about the first time I met Bruce and the unique surroundings, and it became an experience that I still look back on as learning experience; an observation of society, of me, and of the works of this world being put in a fire.
Now, my wife actually tells this story better than I do….but I’ll do my best.
So, it had come to pass that in that day I played in a band (sounds kinda Biblical…don’t it?). Anyway, yada, yada….you meet a lot of folks along the way. Anyhow one of the folks I met, who remains a friend still almost 20 years later, knows Bruce personally. And he’s known him for like 35-40 years.
Now this friend of mine had a death in the family, and he called me later that day to alert me as to where the wake etc. would be. So G and I made the drive over to the funeral home to pay our respects to my buddy and his family.
I walked into a very crowded room and made my way up to the couch just in front of the casket. As I said it was crowded, so I was leading my wife through the crowd by her hand. Finally reaching the couch I greeted my friend. I offered my condolences and was introduced to one of the patriarchs of his family sitting beside him.
It was at that moment that Bruce stood up from the couch and reached out to shake my hand as my buddy introduced him as “..and this is Bruce..”.
Now this is one of those times when you just don’t quite know what to say. Under different circumstances, I could’ve come up with any number of things. But, given the current situation, the best, and most, I could get out was “Nice to meet you Mr. Springsteen”….LOL!
So there I am with my mouth having just spewed out about the only thing I could think of other than “Holy Shit!”. Now, Bruce is just standing there…smiling from ear to ear, holding back what appears to be an outburst of laughter….at me! It’s then I notice that he’s gazing past me to G, and the 2 seem to be sharing some type of “yeah, my husband’s an idiot…” inside joke. It also dawned on me that more than a polite and comfortable amount of time had gone by with me just standing there caught in the moment that was quickly turning into like a full minute.
Just an aside, could you imagine if I ever did meet a Beatle? I’d be on a ventilator!
So with a little help from G pushing me forward, I made it to a seat. Now, at that point it was like the Jaws line “you’re gonna need a bigger boat”…except this time it would be spoken by my wife to the mortician….”you’re gonna need another casket”.:-)
So for about the next hour I sat and watched, star-struck to say the least. In front of me in the most unusual but yet common circumstances of life was one of my idols. A walking, talking album cover! One wave of this guy’s hand gets 70,000 people to their feet at Giants Stadium….
Now the thing that hit me…after my wife, was something that I realized and was reminded of at this particular occasion. I remembered how just about just 2 years earlier G and I sat in a doctor’s office who informed us that G had cancer. If you personally, or any member of your family has ever been told this type of news, you know what I mean.
It doesn’t matter who you are. Doesn’t matter what your job is. Doesn’t matter how much you have, or how much you make. Doesn’t matter where you live, or what size bed you sleep in. You suddenly have no immediate plans….you live day by day. Nothing….nothing matters. And obviously, the people closest to you feel hopeless because illness is a personal journey that folks can comfort you through, but it is yours to own.
As Bruce meandered through that room, I thought about how many people, including myself, had placed upon people (celebs) immortal mantels to carry. It’s like the sick kid in the hospital that Babe Ruth hits a homerun for….somehow the kid gets well and rides his bike again….right? Nope. But we’d all like to think so….
So as I sat and watched Bruce, the only thing this god with a small “g” could do was comfort my friend and his family. The same thing everyday ordinary folk with menial means, 9-5 jobs, unemployment checks, and their own ailments could do. The common denominator had made its visitation, and the only life of consequence and measurement that mattered was the one given up by the person in the box.
No miracles…..no raisings…and the only wines that were served were after the wake, and to my knowledge, it always had been wine……never water....HA!
I’ve had many experiences with Bruce since that night, and each time, I just try to observe. I listen to what is said, what’s not said….and I’ve learned quite a bit about him and from those times with him. Although I haven’t seen him in some time, now he’s just “Bruce”, not “Mr. Springsteen”..HA! LOL!
G never understood the magnitude of that meeting someone who had such an effect on my life through his music…maybe if it had been Bon Jovi? As I drove home that night, I had to explain to G that right behind The Beatles and Elvis, we had just met the biggest person in rock and roll….The Boss….right?
Well, what echoes through my mind, and has become the lesson of that night is that….“every knee shall bow, every tongue confess”. Jesus is not only the King of Kings, but Boss of Bosses.
You might be a rock 'n' roll addict prancing on the stage,
You might have drugs at your command, women in a cage,
You may be a business man or some high degree thief,
They may call you Doctor or they may call you Chief
But you're gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed - Dylan
Thursday, January 15, 2009
And here they are....The Intros!!!
One of the BEST times, so far, in my life was playing in a band..…collectively known as The Intros (I know I was never crazy about the name either). Now, the story goes that in trying to pick a name the 2 founding members agreed to flip open a book and pointed to a word….that word was “Introduction” and the Intros was born. I think if I had been in the band at that time, I would’ve argued that a two out of three kind of thing should've been employed. But there would be more than enough time for arguing down the road.
Now this band was a strictly Beatles cover band that I joined around 1987 or so. The two founding members, Fred and Craig, (aka John & Paul), needed a George. So a very sickly looking, gaunt me walked through the door with my Rickenbacker 330, and that was that. My playing aside, I think it was the sunken cheek, LSD/Cocaine period George image I conjured up that got me in.
The thing I liked about Fred and Craig, aside from the fact that we had a lot of laughs, is that they were dedicated not just to being a good band, put to absolute perfection. Yes, to be in this band, you needed to be a perfectionist…and in the end, it paid off greatly. We would practice 3-4 times a week for years, tediously learning each unique chord, dissecting and isolating each harmony part. We went for the vintage guitars and equipment as well….Rick and Gretch ruled the day!
At some point it was time to find a drummer to complete the group. This was no small task. Fred must have “auditioned” 5 or 6 guys, all of which would be showing up with Alex Van Halen drum sets and trying to do things that they just couldn’t execute. Never mind that their were no 10 minute drum solos for these wanna be Peter Criss’ to engage in.
Then finally, someone we thought would fit in walked through the door. His name was Jim. He was ok, but not down to perfection. His playing resembled the sound made by pushing a 5-piece drum set down 2 flights of stairs. But, at least we had some type of drum activity, or more accurately banging, happening behind us. However, I think we all knew that Jim was not going to be a long-term employee at the firm.
Case in point, at some session Jim suggested that we do “other” songs. Now this was not out and out blasphemy, we had started to apply our rigorous routine to REM, the Byrds and Petty tunes. I was not part of this conversation with Jimbo, I was just listening as I meandered around Fred’s basement where we would rehearse, seemingly making some guitar adjustments. So Fred, trying to be accommodating, pursues the conversation by asking what tune he had in mind. I think Craig turned away at this point as well, looking down at the ground, which is not unusual for Craig….but this was a more pronounced “What the heck are you doing Fred?” type of body language thing. Jim’s response….“These Boots Are Made For Walking” by Nancy Sinatra. I looked up from my fret board with a resounding “FU!”
Well, that just about sealed Jim’s fate, along with consistent reviews of the porn that he watched the night before (he was a f/t manager of a video store), his whining about how his mother thought he was gay, and looking over urinal walls at Fred’s umm manhood….he was gone. Somewhere there exists a audio tape of Jim’s firing. Fred taped it so that we could replay it at will for a laugh…..LOL! Actually, there’s a whole bunch of Intros audio and video that would make Let It Be look like a 10 minute 3 Stooges film. Maybe one day when I have the time, I’ll digitize what’s left and post them.
Jim’s spot was quickly filled by Frank. Now Frank was a really nice guy, and he resembled Pete Best…to a degree. He was a little short on the drumming chops, but he was a good guy, and didn’t mind sitting around for hours while we figured out guitar and vocal parts. Frank was in pretty much for the duration, he fit in fine……
So around rolls 1991, and we enter a Battle Of The Bands at the NY Beatlefest. For those of you not consumed by Beatlemania, Beatlefest is a national convention of Beatle fans, Beatle cronies, people who know, knew, worked with and for, and are related to one of the Fab Four. It’s a 3 day event that usually sells out all three days.
Anyway, bands from all over the east coast congregate there to win the Battle of the Beatle Bands. Basically, the winner, is chosen by an audience of a couple of thousand for their ability to sound as close to the originals as possible. So, off we go, practically straight from the basement to a huge auditorium….yikes!
We were 1 of 25 bands that enrolled that year. So, we went on, played our 2 songs, and were blown away by the audience reaction. So just like American Idol, we made it to the final 2 bands…wow! We thought that was great. So Jimmy Fink, a WNEW-FM has been DJ who was hosting the event decided to have a play-off as it were, as there could only be 1 winner.
We thought we had no chance, as this other band had keyboards and synthesizers and like 8 people in their band. Us, we had 4 guys, 3 guitars and a semi-drummer. Not exactly a 4 on 4 pick-up game as we saw it.
So we went up and played, and then they played. Then the Fink man announced the results…..WE WON!!! 1st out of 25…The Intros! Unfortunately, unlike American Idol, there was no recording contract waiting for us behind the curtain.
But we had proved something to ourselves…hard work pays off. Sometimes having the cops called while you’re rehearsing isn’t a bad thing, and wading through the arguments, the girlfriends, the mis-understandings, the constant battles with PMS within the band…HA!...made the result more than worth it.
Unfortunately, that lesson was lost somewhere along the way, but for that moment in time….we achieved our individual and collective goal! Here’s The Intro line-up outside the stage door: Craig (Paul, although he looks like a mini Stallone) on left, Frank (he had the most style sense as you can see), Your’s Truly (note the skeleton like appearance from yet to be diagnosed Celiac) and Fred (Lennon)…pretty much the founding member.
Now this band was a strictly Beatles cover band that I joined around 1987 or so. The two founding members, Fred and Craig, (aka John & Paul), needed a George. So a very sickly looking, gaunt me walked through the door with my Rickenbacker 330, and that was that. My playing aside, I think it was the sunken cheek, LSD/Cocaine period George image I conjured up that got me in.
The thing I liked about Fred and Craig, aside from the fact that we had a lot of laughs, is that they were dedicated not just to being a good band, put to absolute perfection. Yes, to be in this band, you needed to be a perfectionist…and in the end, it paid off greatly. We would practice 3-4 times a week for years, tediously learning each unique chord, dissecting and isolating each harmony part. We went for the vintage guitars and equipment as well….Rick and Gretch ruled the day!
At some point it was time to find a drummer to complete the group. This was no small task. Fred must have “auditioned” 5 or 6 guys, all of which would be showing up with Alex Van Halen drum sets and trying to do things that they just couldn’t execute. Never mind that their were no 10 minute drum solos for these wanna be Peter Criss’ to engage in.
Then finally, someone we thought would fit in walked through the door. His name was Jim. He was ok, but not down to perfection. His playing resembled the sound made by pushing a 5-piece drum set down 2 flights of stairs. But, at least we had some type of drum activity, or more accurately banging, happening behind us. However, I think we all knew that Jim was not going to be a long-term employee at the firm.
Case in point, at some session Jim suggested that we do “other” songs. Now this was not out and out blasphemy, we had started to apply our rigorous routine to REM, the Byrds and Petty tunes. I was not part of this conversation with Jimbo, I was just listening as I meandered around Fred’s basement where we would rehearse, seemingly making some guitar adjustments. So Fred, trying to be accommodating, pursues the conversation by asking what tune he had in mind. I think Craig turned away at this point as well, looking down at the ground, which is not unusual for Craig….but this was a more pronounced “What the heck are you doing Fred?” type of body language thing. Jim’s response….“These Boots Are Made For Walking” by Nancy Sinatra. I looked up from my fret board with a resounding “FU!”
Well, that just about sealed Jim’s fate, along with consistent reviews of the porn that he watched the night before (he was a f/t manager of a video store), his whining about how his mother thought he was gay, and looking over urinal walls at Fred’s umm manhood….he was gone. Somewhere there exists a audio tape of Jim’s firing. Fred taped it so that we could replay it at will for a laugh…..LOL! Actually, there’s a whole bunch of Intros audio and video that would make Let It Be look like a 10 minute 3 Stooges film. Maybe one day when I have the time, I’ll digitize what’s left and post them.
Jim’s spot was quickly filled by Frank. Now Frank was a really nice guy, and he resembled Pete Best…to a degree. He was a little short on the drumming chops, but he was a good guy, and didn’t mind sitting around for hours while we figured out guitar and vocal parts. Frank was in pretty much for the duration, he fit in fine……
So around rolls 1991, and we enter a Battle Of The Bands at the NY Beatlefest. For those of you not consumed by Beatlemania, Beatlefest is a national convention of Beatle fans, Beatle cronies, people who know, knew, worked with and for, and are related to one of the Fab Four. It’s a 3 day event that usually sells out all three days.
Anyway, bands from all over the east coast congregate there to win the Battle of the Beatle Bands. Basically, the winner, is chosen by an audience of a couple of thousand for their ability to sound as close to the originals as possible. So, off we go, practically straight from the basement to a huge auditorium….yikes!
We were 1 of 25 bands that enrolled that year. So, we went on, played our 2 songs, and were blown away by the audience reaction. So just like American Idol, we made it to the final 2 bands…wow! We thought that was great. So Jimmy Fink, a WNEW-FM has been DJ who was hosting the event decided to have a play-off as it were, as there could only be 1 winner.
We thought we had no chance, as this other band had keyboards and synthesizers and like 8 people in their band. Us, we had 4 guys, 3 guitars and a semi-drummer. Not exactly a 4 on 4 pick-up game as we saw it.
So we went up and played, and then they played. Then the Fink man announced the results…..WE WON!!! 1st out of 25…The Intros! Unfortunately, unlike American Idol, there was no recording contract waiting for us behind the curtain.
But we had proved something to ourselves…hard work pays off. Sometimes having the cops called while you’re rehearsing isn’t a bad thing, and wading through the arguments, the girlfriends, the mis-understandings, the constant battles with PMS within the band…HA!...made the result more than worth it.
Unfortunately, that lesson was lost somewhere along the way, but for that moment in time….we achieved our individual and collective goal! Here’s The Intro line-up outside the stage door: Craig (Paul, although he looks like a mini Stallone) on left, Frank (he had the most style sense as you can see), Your’s Truly (note the skeleton like appearance from yet to be diagnosed Celiac) and Fred (Lennon)…pretty much the founding member.
Not too long after this, the whole thing fell apart. I guess the question after you achieve a goal is “OK, now what?”, and I don’t think we had an answer, at least one we could agree on.
I don’t know what ever happened to Frank. I still talk to Craig on occasion. I just recently talked with Fred after about 15 years. There’s a lot of water under these bridges, but we’ll always have this to look back on. Through all the hard feelings, more than enough to go around (kind of like a plate of spinach at Thanksgiving), on my side of the equation, I consider them all my friends, and they will always be like brothers from different mothers to me….The Intros!
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